Here's the revised checklist of how you become a comedian after the year 2000.
1.) Get a website.
2.) Eat a sandwich.
Like most comics, I ran into a little hiccup with my checklist. Specifically, with item number one. Since you are reading this blog it appears step 1 has been executed flawlessly, right?
It's always a strange scenario when you're on stage and half the crowd just starts getting up and leaving in the middle of your set and you can see all of them individually.
So, to get everyone up to speed, I've embarked on a college tour over the last few weeks that will basically span all of 2011. I'll be going to a lot of colleges all over the country and it's been a blast so far.
I went on a road trip to Boston with my family for Thanksgiving and while driving back I had stopped at a McDonalds at 2AM in Pennsylvania to get some caffeine in me since I was driving the late shift. I walk in and sitting at one of the tables is a man who immediately greets me with, "It's good to see you!"
I say, "Oh...thanks, what's up man?"
He responds, "Oh nothing. They take a long time to serve you here because they don't care about their customers."
When you attend a stand up performance you often mean nothing as an individual to the performers, unless you are heckling. More often than not comedians refer to the audience as "THEY" but treat you as a singular entity. So if I feature for a headliner he/she will often come up to me after I get off and say "Hey, how are they, they seem a bit stiff." Or he'll say, "Hey, how are they, they seem loose." As you can see our jargon is all hyper-sexualized.
Abstract: A woman was staring at me for a good 15 minutes on the subway and I almost went insane.
Let me set the scene. I was recently getting on the subway with a friend of mine and a woman was sitting in one of the seats on the train while we were standing. The train was pretty crowded and my buddy Dan and I are just standing there talking. Out of the corner of my eye I catch this woman looking at me. I don't think anything of it because I just assumed she was people watching which is what a lot of people do on the train. After about 30 seconds I can still feel her looking right at me so I finally look over and she's looking at me right in the eyes.
The reason why today is a great day is because it is the day Eric Whitacre has released his latest album entitled Light and Gold and it is, without a doubt, incredible. For those of you who don’t know who Eric Whitacre is, he is a very very talented composer. His album won't top any charts in any country and Like A G6 will certainly get more single downloads on ITunes than his music. However, despite these facts he is probably one of the most prolific composers of our generation and his music is straight up ear candy.
So I got a lot of updates to throw your way. First of all, I'm done being a hermit about stand up. As many of my close friends know I am absolutely horrible about letting people know when and where I am performing so I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. I promise. I know I've let you down in the past but things are different now. I know I've also said that before as well and my words are plummeting on the market right now but just you wait and see. By the end of the quarter, I will rally back.
I've been in Tennessee for less than 24 hours and I can't tell you how many confederate flag licence plates I've seen here. It's kind of scaring me being a brown man going about my day here however the people are incredibly nice. It's very counter-intuitive but it's truth. I don't know what to make of it.
One of my best friends, Pavan, recently relayed a conversation he had with someone that had seen my stand up. Now, one thing you have to know about Pavan is that we've known each other since we were 7 or 8. This kid's like my brother but he enjoys messing with people when he has the chance. Here's a conversation describing one of the opportunities he took advantage of.
Pavan: ha ok, so i met this guy today and he asked if i knew you
me: haha ok
Pavan: and i said yea, then he asked me if i've heard your comedy because "it's really funny" and then i said no